A Celebration of Life

I have taken time off from posting. During that time I have been contemplating how to write what in my mind a very difficult post. On February 4, 2011 my mother passed from this life into another place. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, I do. I truly do believe she is now in a better place.

Do I miss her? Of course. My best friend and sounding board are no longer immediately available to me. There were many phone calls and days spent together after I reach adulthood that are a part of my memories. The gift I will always treasure was the gift of her allowing me to be my own person, make my own mistakes, and still love me and be there for me no matter what. As I write this I find the tears welling up again. They are tears for my loss and I realize that. It will take time, but with the gift she gave me, I will come out on the other side even stronger.

In our conversations over the years I came to know this woman who gave life to me. She was opinionated and if necessary would tell you what you needed to know. She always said, "People think I am being blunt, but if they knew what was going on in my mind, they would realize how tactful I really am." I always loved that about her. She may not always have been right, but she would be truthful, without being hurtful.

She loved children and dolls. Over the years I watched her as she took care of children and usually became good friends with the parents. In many ways she was a grandmother to all of them. There was no way I could be jealous, I was proud and honored that she shared her wonderful gift on how to live life with all of them. That I think is a part of her legacy that will live on. A gift to be shared from generation to generation. The ability to do the right thing, be kind and don't give up on the talents you were gifted with. Life may not always be easy, but continue on for it is glorious in its entirety.

I miss her, always will, but the loss will become bearable with time. We all have a finite number of years here. Use them wisely, I know she always tried to.

Thanks Mom.

East of the Great Mountain

East of the Great Mountain and West of the Sun
Helen’s Colorado Springs 1873

In 1873 Helen Hunt arrived in Colorado Springs. This was ten years after the death of her husband in 1863 followed by her two children in 1854 and 1865 respectively. That arrival and subsequent observations became part and parcel of her essay “Colorado Springs” published in August of 1874 in the New York Independent approximately nine months after her arrival in town.

So what was really happening in this town that she wrote about?

At the time Colorado was still a territory with S. H Elbert as the territorial governor and M.A. Shaffenburg as the United States Marshall.

We know the town had a population of around three thousand. The town was “governed by the following trustees.”: Matt. France, W. H. Macomber, C.T. Barton, A. H. Weir and J. T. Wilson. They even had a town herder by the name of Thomas Hughes.

As Helen says in her essay “it might be said that three years ago the town of Colorado Springs did not exist….that it is also known as “The Fountain Colony””…. Helen felt that The Fountain Colony was a better name for, “ there is not a spring of any sort whatever in the town...” The trustees of the Fountain Colony as she stated in the essay, were “men of means, position, and great executive ability.” (It should be noted the city and the Fountain Colony trustees were separate entities) The Fountain Colony Board consisted of: Gen. Wm. J. Palmer, President, Henry McAlister, Jr., Executive Director, Gerald De Coursey, Secretary, Wm. P. Mellen, Treasurer, M.L. DeCoursey, Assistant Treasurer. The Trustees: Wm. J. Palmer, Dr. Robert H. Lamborn, Col. Josiah C. Reiff, Col. W. H. Greenwood, Wm. P. Mellen and the Chief Engineer, E. S. Nettleton. Furthermore she states these men are, “enthusiasts in their determination to exert their controlling power in the right direction.”

One of those directions was in the “contest of wills” between them and the liquor dealers. This contest appears to have gone on for some time and in 1873 at the time of Helen’s arrival the town was trying yet again to deal with the liquor dealers who continued to sell their wares despite a ban against such actions.

This is the only mention of the growth pangs of the town. She then moves onto a description of the scenery in and around the town. But there was so much more going on in the area.

In August of that year there was discussion and later voting on whether to retain Colorado City as the county seat or move it to Colorado Springs. The results of the voting: Colorado Springs became the new county seat of the county of El Paso, in the territory of Colorado. This change would eventually help fulfill the vision of men like Gen. Palmer and others who were called by Helen, “enthusiasts in their faith in the future of the region.”

The financial crisis of 1873 also touched Colorado Springs. At the end of October of that year the bank of Wm. B Young & Co. had to suspend operations due to the drains on the deposits of the bank. This was the result of the financial panic in part caused by the failure of Henry Crews and Company of New York. At the same time the “El Paso County Bank” was opened. The men who formed this banking house were: W. S. Jackson, who was the Secretary/Treasurer of the Denver & Rio Grande Railway as well as Mr. Wolfe, Mr. White and Mr. Goodrich. (This is the same W. S. Jackson that became Helen’s second husband.)

Colorado Springs and the Pikes Peak region received a boost with the Signal Corps deciding to place a signal station on the top of Pikes Peak. The local paper would print the readings that were taken at the top of the mountain. The Colorado Springs Company also purchased from a Mr. Nat Colby the entrance to Cheyenne Canyon, so that “the enjoyment of its beauties may be assured to visitors for all time.”

Although not mentioned directly in the Colorado Springs essay Helen would speak at length about Cheyenne Canyon.

One of the last events that happened that year was the death of Judge Baldwin. His death on November 3 created a mystery that is still unsolved to this day. (His body was found in a well and the circumstances were not conclusive as to whether it was foul play or accident.) This may have occurred just before or around the time Helen arrived in Colorado Springs.

Regardless of the events, both positive and negative, as Helen stated in her essay “for those alone whom I might possibly win to love Colorado Springs as I love it, I repeat that it is a town lying east of the Great Mountain and west of the sun." Helen continued to experience and love this city at the foot of Pikes Peak as a place of both beauty and growth for the remainder of her life.

copyright November 2010 by Doris A. McCraw all rights reserved.

Humor and Laughter

A 'plastic' corpse.

The say laughter is the best medicine. I love the following quote about laughter. "We are in the world to laugh. In purgatory or in hell we shall no longer be able to do so. And in heaven in would not be proper." Jules Renard, Journal, June 1907.

So what is humor and why does it not always lead to laughter. Many of us feel that if we are laughing then people will look at us and wonder why we are laughing. There seems to be a moratorium on laughing out loud in public. If you are in a comedy club, fine. If you are in the coffee shop or heaven forbid a store, is seems that is not an appropriate place. So instead of giving a good belly laugh, we subjugate our laughter and say, that was humorous. I say hogwash.

To me laughter is something to be shared. In case you haven't noticed laughter can be very contagious. Maybe that is why people are afraid of laughing in public places, they might start something.

I remember going to a show that was very, very funny. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop laughing. Now most people were laughing with me and enjoying themselves. There was one lady who just kept giving me dirty looks and telling me to be quite. Talk about purgatory, I believe she was already there. Not because of my laughter or that of the audience, but because she was above humor and laughter. How very sad.

I know my male friends love the Three Stooges. For me, if I am blue I put on a Marx Brothers or Abbott and Costello movie and all is right with the world.

If there is one thing I have learned in life, laugh. It is good for you and really for those around you. Laughter is contagious. Pass on the contagion and laugh out loud. Soon the world will laugh with you. Remember, we are in the world to laugh!

Following your Heart

With a title like Following you Heart you might think this post is about finding love. In a way it is, but not as most would think. To me following you heart is finding what makes your mind, body and soul quiver with joy. It may be someone or something to love. For me it is creation. I love creating stories, be they fiction or non-fiction, performing in front of an audience and have them respond to my words, singing and bringing emotion to my listeners.

In life I have had the blessing of being able to follow my heart and still succeed at making a living.

I was able to study with the voice teacher I wanted, even though she was not taking on new students.

I went to the private college of my choice, even though the financial expense was steep.

I spent twenty years working in a field that I had chosen at the age of fifteen, and retired at an age that allowed me to continue with my other passions.

I have met and become friends with people who not only support me with their friendships, but also their encouragement in continuing to follow my passions.

I have decided for me the only way to live is follow my heart and know that in the end I will find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

If you decide to go on this journey remember to keep moving and if the road swerves, follow the swerve, it will only be a learning spot along the way.

Honoring A Mother

One of my mothers favorite flowers. I think of her every time I see one.

In honor of Mothers Day, this post will be about my own mother. In some ways this post is harder to write than most. I imagine it is because as most of you know, the relationship you have with your parents can be a bit difficult, sweet, convoluted and just plain scary sometimes.

Let me say from the outset I admire my mother. In many ways she was way ahead of the curve in her parenting skills. Still, don't think that there were not moments of tension and anger. There usually is when you are young and trying to stretch your wings, and mom is trying to make sure you don't fall too soon, that your wings are ready to hold you on the currents.

Probably what I remember most are the little events that ended up impacting my life in huge ways.

1. My mother had a way of treating both my brother and myself as only children. I don't know how she did it, but I never felt slighted in the least little bit. Of course......there is always enough love to give to everyone.

2. One time when I was complaining about something my younger brother had done my mother calmly told me to take care of it. I had spoiled him and it was my responsibility to handle what I had created. Yes...a great way to learn responsibility.

3. When I was preparing to leave for college I was trying to let my mother know I loved her and my father, but it was time to leave. She very graciously said,"If you didn't want to leave I would think something was wrong with you. Why do you think I raised you the way I did." Now that is a wonderful way to say...your wings are ready, go fly with my blessing.

There are probably many other stories and lessons that I could relate. Instead I will close with probably one of the greatest blessings a mother can give her child. The gift of friendship, an equal footing once you have grown. I don't know how she does it, but while still being my mother, she is also my equal. For that and so many other gifts I wish Mom, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

Poets - Helen Hunt Jackson

This final week of April and National Poetry month I want to write about Helen Hunt Jackson and not only how she, but also her poetry have made an impression on my life.

As most of you know, I perform as Mrs. Jackson. This woman, her work and personality have become a passion of mine. What most remember about Helen and her work are the last five years of her life and the dedication she gave to her cause of Indian rights. In the years prior to that time she made her living after the death of both her husband and two sons as a writer of poetry and essays. It is her poetry I want to share with you the reader.

A number of her earlier poems were infused with the grief she was feeling over the death of her last remaining son who passed away at the age of nine. (She had lost her first son at the age of eleven months and her husband to an accident while he was working on an underwater project for the Army during the Civil War) Her work grew from that point and to many people she was one of the premier poets of her time.

In the the book Poems by Helen Jackson, Little Brown and Co copywrite 1906, the following verse is indicative of some of her work.

October

Bending above the spicy woods which blaze,
Arch skies so blue they flash, and hold the sun
Immeasurably far; the waters run
Too slow, so freighted are the river-ways
With gold of elms and birches from the maze
Of forests. Chestnuts, clicking one by one,
Escape from satin burs; her fringes done,
The gentian spreads them out in sunny days,
And, like late revellers at dawn, the chance
Of one sweet, mad, last hour, all things assail,
And conquering, flush and spin; while, to enhance
The spell, by sunset door, wrapped in a veil
Of red and purple mists, the summer, pale,
Steals back alone for one more song and dance.


As you read these words the picture becomes clear in your mind. You can hear the sounds of fall and glory in the wonderful use of language. I enjoy not only reading her works to myself, but sharing, reading aloud so that others can hear the music also.

Many people cite her poem Cheyenne Mountain as one that holds the key to her thoughts of the area around Colorado Springs. This is true, but by far the one that I think describes Helen herself is her poem Last Words.

Last Words

Dear hearts, whose love has been so sweet to know,
That I am looking backward as I go,
Am lingering while I haste, and in this rain
Of tears of joy am mingling tears of pain;
Do not adorn with costly shrub, or tree,
Or flower, the little grave which shelters me.
Let the wild wind-sown seeds grow up unharmed,
And back and forth all summer, unalarmed,
Let all the tiny, busy creatures creep;
Let the sweet grass its last year's tangles keep;
And when, remembering me, you come some day
And stand there, speak no praise, but only say,
"How she loved us! 'Twas that which made her dear!"
Those are the words that I shall joy to hear.

I consider Helen a classic poet, but it does not change the depth and joy of her words for today's readers. As the above works show, the skill with which she 'painted' her thoughts is truly amazing. Yes, I am partial to this woman and her work, but I would encourage everyone to take a step back in time and see what so many of her generation knew, Helen Hunt Jackson was a woman of considerable talent that continues to inspire people today.

Poets- KL Bates

This week I am taking a trip down memory lane with Katherine Lee Bates. About eight years ago I had the privilege of performing as Katherine in an original piece called "Scandal and Scones". This was part script and mostly improvisation. In order to speak as the character it was necessary for me to study the life of Katherine Lee Bates.

We all know she wrote the poem "America the Beautiful", that is the poem not the song. The song/tune is a hymn written by a gentleman named Ward called "Materna". What I found was a poet who kept a journal and started writing poems at an early age. One of her first was called "Romance of Count Hymbo". It begins with the lines:

Count Hymbo was a gallint knight
Of honor and renown
None braver was there in the fight,
Pride of his native town.

It ended with the lines:

From his couch up started that night,
His handsome face was deathly white,
The figure vanished from his sight,
And Count Hymbo died of fright.

She signed it Katie L. Bates

An interesting piece from a young girl. Her later years saw so many varied and interesting works. A few of my favorites are:

Pigeon Post

White wing, White wing,
Lily of the air,
What word dost bring,
On whose errand fare?
Red word, Red word,
snowy plumes abhor.
I, Christ's own bird,
Do the work of war.

and the second

If You Could Come

My love, my love, if you could come once more
From your high place,
I would not question you for heavenly lore,
But, silent, take the comfort of your face.

I would not ask you if those golden spheres
In love rejoice,
If only our stained star hath sin and tears,
But fill my famished hearing with your voice.

One touch of you were worth a thousand creeds.
My wound is numb
Through toil-pressed, but all night long it bleeds
In aching dreams, and still you cannot come.

As you can see there is so much more to this poetess/writer than one poem indicates. Although 'America the Beautiful' is such an iconic work, Katherine Lee Bates other works deserve a second and third look. I am so glad to have been put into the position of learning more, it has opened up worlds and words I might never have experienced.