A LETTER - LIFE MAY NOT BE FAIR, BUT IT IS GOOD

post by Doris McCraw

writing as Angela Raines

Mother's Day 2021 looks a bit different from 2019 and even 2020. Yet what Mother's teach and give us is timeless. I've thought a lot about that over the last years as the pandemic upended so many lives. Maybe her words will resonate with you. If so, I know it would surprise her, but she would be so pleased her hard-won wisdom helped someone else.

Photo property of the Author

I lost my mother in February of 2011. I still miss her and thought I would share a letter she might have written to me about how to be a loving person and live in this world without letting it define or defeat me. So, Mom, I hope you are looking down and smiling for you were a great teacher.

Dear Daughter,

First, I want you to know how much I love you. I know as you travel this world there will be times when it will not seem worth it. Times when you just want to give up on yourself and the world. I taught you better than that. In case you have forgotten or perhaps need to have a handy reminder, I’ll share my thoughts about how to survive and thrive.

I will start with, forgive yourself. You won’t be able to forgive anyone else if you don’t know how to forgive yourself. I know you did some things that weren't necessarily good, but remember, you were doing the best you could at that time. That does not mean you get to repeat the mistake. To do so is only going to make you feel worse about yourself. Sweetheart, give yourself a break and get on with your life. Don’t let the past ruin your future.

Remember the story of Mr. Flemming’s father. He chose to not like a whole race of people, but would and did hire individuals. As long as those individuals worked for him, they were treated equally, including sitting at the table with everyone else. He would be angry if anyone made unflattering remarks. I’m not saying you should dislike a group of people. What I am saying is, respond to people as individuals. Do not let yourself get caught up in the rhetoric of 'if one, then all'. Treat others like you want to be treated, even when they don’t return the favor.

Get over the idea of “it’s not fair”. Life isn’t fair, but it is good. Life and living will be what you make it. When you get caught up in the ‘not fair’ mindset you miss so much of the wonderful parts of life. When you get down or are feeling put upon, give yourself ten minutes to feel sorry for yourself, then get up and do something productive. Let the hurt go. It may not be easy, that’s for sure. You can forgive and not forget. To hold onto hurt only hurts you, not the person who did the hurting. If they didn't care when the hurt happened, why would they care now? Think on that one for a while.

You can do or be whatever you want, just remember there are consequences. Consequences are not good or bad, they just are. You are totally responsible for the decisions you make about your life. Yes, you may have people who will help you, but you are the only one you have to live with your whole life. Make sure you’re the kind of person you want to be around.

I know there are many other ‘rules’ your could probably stand to hear, but these are good ones to help you survive and thrive. I wish you well, know I love you and whatever happens do your best to be happy, to be alive, for that is the true gift.

Love, Your Mother

My mother loved roses.
Photo property of the author

I know she was always so supportive of my creative work. I sometimes hear her voice when I've finished a novel or piece of history writing telling me, "I'm so proud of you."

Thanks Mom.

Doris Gardner-McCraw -

Author, Speaker, Historian-specializing in
Colorado and Women's History

Angela Raines - author: Where Love & History Meet

For a list of Angela Raines Books: Here 

(c) 2021 Doris McCraw   All Rights Reserved

Honoring A Mother

One of my mothers favorite flowers. I think of her every time I see one.

In honor of Mothers Day, this post will be about my own mother. In some ways this post is harder to write than most. I imagine it is because as most of you know, the relationship you have with your parents can be a bit difficult, sweet, convoluted and just plain scary sometimes.

Let me say from the outset I admire my mother. In many ways she was way ahead of the curve in her parenting skills. Still, don't think that there were not moments of tension and anger. There usually is when you are young and trying to stretch your wings, and mom is trying to make sure you don't fall too soon, that your wings are ready to hold you on the currents.

Probably what I remember most are the little events that ended up impacting my life in huge ways.

1. My mother had a way of treating both my brother and myself as only children. I don't know how she did it, but I never felt slighted in the least little bit. Of course......there is always enough love to give to everyone.

2. One time when I was complaining about something my younger brother had done my mother calmly told me to take care of it. I had spoiled him and it was my responsibility to handle what I had created. Yes...a great way to learn responsibility.

3. When I was preparing to leave for college I was trying to let my mother know I loved her and my father, but it was time to leave. She very graciously said,"If you didn't want to leave I would think something was wrong with you. Why do you think I raised you the way I did." Now that is a wonderful way to say...your wings are ready, go fly with my blessing.

There are probably many other stories and lessons that I could relate. Instead I will close with probably one of the greatest blessings a mother can give her child. The gift of friendship, an equal footing once you have grown. I don't know how she does it, but while still being my mother, she is also my equal. For that and so many other gifts I wish Mom, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!